Life=Art, Art=Life

Dear Blog, it has been too long since I wrote in you. Here I am again, when the everyday has gotten to be too much and I once again must express myself or spontaneously combust.

"I would not cast out my illness, for there is much in my art that I owe it to."
Edward Munch

"I have put has my heart and soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process."
Vincent VanGogh

"You should keep on painting no matter how difficult it is, because this is all part of experience, and the more experience you have the better it is - unless it kills you, and then you know you have gone too far."
Alice Neal

Recently I wandered and wondered down a different path, and have once again been reminded that it's probably a good idea keep to the one thing that has held and sustained me my whole life. Growing up in a small Southern Baptist town taught me early on that artist as outsider is more the norm than the exception, and that being different is not something that is always respected or celebrated. This has been my reality for a long time, and most of the time I am at peace with it.

When I was young I wanted very badly to fit in with the kids at school, but never quite achieved it. Even now, I still secretly long (not so secretly now) to be accepted. Even more, for someone to see me and actually want to talk to me about life and art and be interested in what I have to say. Recent experience has once again demonstrated to me that my life is rich in many ways, but that I can't have everything (at least not all at once).

"Of all lies, art is the least untrue."
Gustave Flaubert

Chaos

Another big topic. Here goes:

In the process of creativity and life at a certain point chaos reigns. Think: making the big life-changing move, know where you're moving to and what goodies await. Yet still: there are the bits and pieces of life waiting to be sorted and packed and classified in order to make that big move. At first, all is well but at the end there are always things to save and organize but not enough time,energy and inclination to do so.

Every time I begin a painting this happens. At first it's all big ideas and big brushes. Inevitably, at some point reality will set in and I will think, "What was I thinking"? It's at this point the sheep start to get separated from the rams.

Choices in art and life abound at this point:
Give up and walk away?
Throw something and swear vigorously?
Paint over the damn thing and pretend it never happened?
Some combination of the above?

Whether any, all or a combination of the above, I think it's important to recognize that chaos is integral to change, growth and life in general. Our companion chaos is not comfortable and not warm and fuzzy, but I'm thinking chaos is necessary to all of us on our journey.